Bitting

Yesterday I picked my son up from daycare and was told he was bit twice by the same boy. Not once but TWICE. The teacher played it off like it was nothing, and I signed the accident report.

We got home and I went to look at his arm and I about flipped out. The way the teachers played it off I was thinking it was nothing and he probably didn’t even have a mark. Well nope, he had a mark and a huge one at that.

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This picture doesn’t even do it justice because he wouldn’t stop moving.

Here is the back story on the bites. (what the teacher told me)

A little boy wanted a toy that Jeremiah had, Jeremiah wouldn’t give it to him. The little boy tried to pull it away from Jeremiah but Jeremiah wouldn’t let go so this boy bit him.

My question is, why did the teachers not move that boy away from Jeremiah after that? Instead they made it so this little boy had the opportunity to bite Jeremiah a SECOND time.

To say I was furious yesterday might be an understatement. I posted the picture and the story on both my personal Facebook and my Facebook page for my blog.

The response from people on my personal page (which includes people who work in daycares) was “that’s unacceptable”, “press charges”, “raise hell”, etc.

Now I do agree that it is unacceptable for the fact that this little boy had a chance to bite my son twice. But press charges?

First of all, I signed the accident report that states the daycare told me about it and that they are in no way responsible. And second of all, it’s not like my son was beat. He was bit by a little boy. (this is the first time anything like this has happened, well except for the bullying. If you missed that post here it is bullying)

The response from my fellow autism parents was more compassionate for the child and or the teachers.

My son is the only child with any kind of special needs in his classroom. This child did not bite because he was excited, over stimulated, etc. He bit because he was angry that Jeremiah wouldn’t give up the toy and after trying other options, bitting was his last resort.

As for the teachers, there are maybe 10 kids in Jeremiah’s class and 3 teachers. It’s not like they were too overwhelmed with kids that they couldn’t do something. It was the afternoon teachers, who were the same teachers there when the bullying incident happened.

Jeremiah still had a pretty good mark on his arm this morning and did not want to go to daycare at all. (I don’t blame him)

If something like this happens again I will not be signing an accident report and I will be talking to the owner of the daycare.

Do you think I did the right thing/handled it well?

(btw I always thought I was going to get a call saying my child bit someone, not the other way around. At home when he is excited, overstimulated, or under stimulated he will either bite us or bite himself. But at school he controls himself enough to not “lash out”.)

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The good and bad points of today

So today was busy and crazy. It started off with my husband dropping our son off at daycare. Jeremiah did not fight once, he seemed happy to be going to daycare. That’s a good thing right?

My husband had a dentist appointment at 10:30am to get 2 teeth pulled. I took him because we didn’t know if they were going to do novacaine or if they were going to knock him out.

While he was in the dentist’s office I spotted this cute little store called “Love it Again”. It was a consignment store but she also sold new stuff.

I got to talking to the owner while I was in there. About Facebook, pinterest, her love of “weird” antiques, and my
Blog/future business. She seemed genuinely interested.

Then she asked me if I would email her some photos of the stuff we make because she possibly wanted to sell them in her store. I could have jumped for joy. I was totally speechless after that. This is such a huge step for us.

I walked back to the dentist office feeling happy as could be until I saw my husband’s face. Apparently they gave him 8 vials of novacaine and it didn’t help.

As the dentist was pulling the one tooth out he broke the root, which was painful to say the least. Then he informed my husband that he could not pull the other tooth because it was growing into his sinus cavity (ouch!)

Called to make appointment with the oral surgeon and we can’t get an appointment until August. Ugh. 😦

Husband is in a lot of pain and being a huge baby. But I can’t blame him. At least our son was in daycare so I didn’t have 2 babies to worry about today.

Around 5 I picked up our son from daycare and could tell something was up. We got home and he was good, ate some grapes, and then all hell broke loose.

He threw himself on the kitchen floor, screamed bloody murder until he couldn’t scream anymore, and bit himself on the arm.

What caused this? Your guess is as good as mine. After he calmed down he went and laid in bed with his daddy and went to sleep.

I hope him going to bed early doesn’t mean he’ll be up super early. Actually, who am I kidding? My child doesn’t sleep anyways.

Now here I am, typing this and trying to unwind from a long day.

I know none of this really has anything to do with autism but I just needed to tell someone the awesome news that I’m still smiling over. We already have tons of people wanting to help our business and this news is just amazing.

Thank you to everyone who had offered to help in some way shape or form and thank you to everyone who continues to have faith in us!

My new business venture

My husband and I have decided to start a business. We will be making tools/toys geared towards autism.

I’ve already made my son customized pecs, file folder games, puzzles, etc.

What is available to parents right now, even home made stuff, costs an arm and a leg. I’m determined to make my products and make them affordable for everyone.

One of the first things I will be making will be autism survival guides. Kind of like “so your child’s been diagnosed, now what?” The last page of the survival guide will be customized for each person who orders it. It will be important numbers, non profits, and everything autism related in whatever city they live in.

Good idea??

So far everyone I’ve talked to fully supports me. I’m ready to embark on this endeavor.

Aggression

My mom and I have been discussing my son’s violent/aggressive behavior. She says “I hope this stops before he’s a 6ft tall teenager beating you up.”

She thinks his behavior is not normal. I relate it to his autism. Are autistic kids more aggressive then “normal” kids, or is she right in saying this has nothing to do with autism?

I’ve read autism blogs that discuss biting and hitting but they are few and far between.

I know part of my son’s behaviors are due to him being non verbal. He gets so frustrated that no one is understanding what he’s saying that he lashes out.

But that’s only part of it. Let’s take today for example. He was extremely hyper and flappy all day. He was also the most violent he’s ever been in one day.

We’d be sitting down watching a movie and he’ll run over and punch me or bite me. The biting me part is new. He used to ONLY bite his dad. (not that that’s any good either).

I still have a huge bite mark on my wrist from where he bit me this morning while I was trying to get him to take his antibiotic.

He is constantly screaming, pushing, punching (yes punching, closed fist and all), slapping, spitting, and biting.

He has never seen anyone act out any of these behaviors, so I strongly believe it is not learned.

His daycare swears he’s the sweetest angel there and there have been no incidents of aggressive behavior. He does it around people he knows (parents, grandparents, and friends). He also does it when we go out in public.

I know some of it is the “terrible twos” but I can’t help but think its not all related to that.

Please tell me I’m not alone here. Please tell me that I’m right in thinking it has to do with his autism. Or tell me I’m wrong. I’m man enough to handle it.

I’d greatly appreciate it if you could share your stories, advice, or experiences with me.

Handling the stuff life throws at you

“When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.”

I have a very hard time doing that. Life has sure thrown a ton of lemons at me, and I don’t think I’ve handled them properly.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I have completely changed how I felt. My son is diagnosed with severe ASD. He is 2 and non verbal. He can repeat or echo words (he has echolalia). As far as words he can say on his own with no prompting what so ever there are only a few.

I used to cry picking him up from daycare when the kids in his class (that are his age) said “bye Jeremiah”. I cried because he couldn’t say his own name but kids his age could.

I used to cry when he would get frustrated and scream because I couldn’t understand what it was he was trying to tell me he needed.

He can not talk and yet his insurance will only approve 30min of speech a week. I know parents whose kids can talk, they just stutter or have a severe lisp, etc and they get speech therapy everyday.

I used to scream that it wasn’t fair. I used to go nuts thinking about it.

But I’ve come to the realization that at least he is getting therapy. He may not ever talk and that’s okay. He is one of the brightest little boys I know. He also has more manners than any 2 year old I’ve ever met. He can sign please and thank you, and does so often.

He can take toys apart and put them back together. He has the biggest smile ever when he sees mommy and daddy come pick him up from daycare. He licks my face and tries to act like the dog. (weird? Yes. But it never fails to make me laugh.)

I love him for everything he can do and for what he has taught me about life.

I promise to him and I promise to myself that I will not focus on what he can’t do anymore. I will focus on all the things he can do.

I know it’s easier to see the can’t dos, but if you try and focus on the can dos, you just might be able to make lemonade with the lemons.

Perfect weather

Lately the weather has been less than perfect. It’s been either super hot or raining. We just got over the rain and today was the best. Hot but with a nice breeze blowing. I decided to seize the day and take my son to the park. He kept screaming no when I tried to take pictures but I got some anyways. Hope it’s lovely where you guys are.

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Those touchy subjects

There are a few parts of autism that are considered “touchy subjects” and some people don’t like talking about them.

One of those subjects is poop smearing. Most of us have been through or are currently going through it.

I thought we had nipped it in the bud. But the evil poop smearing monster is back. :-/

My son started the poop smearing in November. Anytime he pooped if you didn’t change him immediately, it would end up on his hands, in his hair, on his face, on his stomach, and even IN his mouth!

Our occupational therapist suggested it was a sensory thing so giving him play doh or something else that felt like poop might help him stop. We also worked really hard on getting him to say the word “dodo” and know what it was.

Once we did those things the smearing stopped, he told us every time he pooped, and he felt like a big boy because of it.

We were doing so great. Four months smearing free until a week ago. Now instead of telling people he went potty he is now taking his diaper off and then playing in it. 😦

I try to keep a close eye on him, but to watch him 24/7 is just not an option. I do use the bathroom, cook, etc.

So my question to you is; how do I stop this? Has there been any techniques that have worked for you?