Thinking

So it’s been three weeks since my son’s father left and I’ve been going over and over our entire relationship in my head trying to think of what would make him leave and then it hit me.

It had nothing to do with me, or us, or our relationship. It had EVERYTHING to do with autism.

The months, weeks, days, leading up to him leaving he was having less patience with our son.

If we went out in public and Jeremiah even hinted that he might have a meltdown his father was ready to go home.

Instead of listening to the therapists (which has proven to work with our son) he just would try to let Jeremiah do whatever he wanted. So that there would be no screaming or meltdowns, but there would be broken toys and very messy messes that his father never cleaned.

Instead of playing with our son like he used to he would put a movie on like a baby sitter and zone out of the whole situation.

In the three weeks since he’s left he has not called to talk to or ask about our son once. He has talked to our son once but that was because I called him a bunch and made him answer his phone.

Today I stumbled across Autism Daddy’s letter to dad’s who have left or are considering leaving because of Autism and it really hit home. It was exactly what I needed to hear today.

image

This was my favorite part of his letter. It hits the nail right on the head. Jeremiah’s father is a weasel and if he doesn’t want to be in our son’s life because it’s “too difficult” then that’s fine.

We will be fine. We have each other. We have an awesome support group. And we have love.

Aspergers, online dating, my divorce

Well as most of you know, my son’s father decided that he no longer wanted to be with us and left a few weeks ago. I found out a few lies that happened while we were still together but other than that I really do not know what lead to him leaving and he’s not saying.

A lot of you have said that we should try to work on things and for personal reasons that I can not and will not discuss publically, that will NEVER happen. My son and I will be fine without him and have actually been really well these past few weeks.

My son has had only one or two meltdowns since he father left which is a HUGE improvement compared to the one or two a week he was having previously. He has also slept all night every night since his father left. He has not slept all night in over a year. He has gained 3 new words. He is happy and bubbly and for all of these reasons I believe, actually I know, we will be fine.

Now that I am single everyone keeps talking to me about dating. Which is something that I don’t think I’m ready to do yet, but when I am ready I will probably be doing online dating.

Now I don’t know about most of you  but some people I know, my mom included, freaked out over that. “You mean meeting strange people you don’t know!???” I’ll explain it to you how I explained it to my mother this afternoon.

With my aspergers it is hard for me to just go up to people and talk to them. Actually even if they initiate the conversation it is still hard for me to talk. I’ve gotten to the point in life where I can actually look at people now instead of staring at my feet, but talking is just still way too awkward for me. I might say the occasionally hey how are you, but other than that, I am at a loss of words. Sometimes I don’t know what to say or sometimes I tend to talk way too much and bore people. So because of this I am usually quiet.

Meeting someone on the internet is easier because I don’t have to think about my tone of voice or if I’m rambling. I don’t have to worry about if I’m looking at them. I get a chance to talk to someone and kind of explain myself before hand to make things less awkward once you met in public.

My mom thinks the internet is full of “strange, weird people”, so I logged on to a dating site and showed her who my matches would be. Guess who the first 4 were? Guys I went to high school with. Weird and strange? Maybe. But not in the sense she is thinking.

So. Tell me how your aspergers affects you socially. Tell me if you’ve ever tried online dating and how it went. And tell me how your lives have been in general.

 

I’ve had a bit of a writer’s block lately but I think I’m finally over that, so prepare to hear from me a lot more!

❤ xoxox

 

Special ed teachers

Before I say what I want to say I am going to acknowledge that not every special ed teacher is bad.

BUT, I am so sick and tired of hearing on the news or through personal stories, about autistic children being abused by their teachers!!!!

What are the qualifications to become a special need teacher? They don’t seem strict enough to me.

What can we do as parents or individuals with autism to stop this??

What is the answer? Cameras in the classroom? Stricter training? Psych tests given to perspective teachers?

What has the world come to that we even have to consider any of that? It makes me sad.

I was bullied all throughout school. Not by my teachers but by my peers. I hurt for my child because I more than anyone else understand his struggles and understand his issues (for lack of better word).

I’ve been there and done that. And perhaps that is why I am such a strong advocate, not only for my son, but for autistic children everywhere.

My son is only 2 but I hurt knowing that stuff like this is a very real possibility when I send him off to school. Not only do I get to worry about other kids picking on him, I now get to worry about his future teacher.

When are people going to see that autistic people may be wired differently, but we are still people? We are human beings with feelings just like everyone else.

This just isn’t fair and I want to find some way to stop this.